school is coming

I guess it is officially back to school time because I have started to have back to school nightmares.  You know, things like: I show up to school expecting first graders and find a class of eighth graders, or I get to school on the first day and realize I don't have one single thing planned and the kids are already there. Oddly enough, I did not have these types of dreams before my first year teaching, but they did start at about this same time last summer.

I am totally unprepared to go back to school.  At the beginning of the summer I made a list of 13 school related things I wanted to accomplish over the break. Some were simple projects, some only required reading and some planning, and some were major overhaul type projects. I pulled out that list today (when I realized it was August first, yikes!) and found I have only completed one thing on the list. ONE. That's it, one. Well, technically it will be two if I ever force myself to finish this massive classroom library organization plan I have. I'm almost done, I just have no desire to finish. That's bad. But seriously, what have I been doing all summer?!? I had so many plans and so few of them came to pass. I need 3 more months of summer, how can I make that happen?

I'm starting to stress a little. And by a little, I mean a lot. The thing is, the first day of school is close. It's coming up VERY quickly (23 days!!). I should be starting to get things organized, labeled, put together, and planned, but I STILL don't know what grade I'm teaching.  It's frustrating. I'm trying to have faith it's going to work out, and I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard.  It's hard to be patient when you want things organized and lined up in little rows just so. I can't start setting up my room, because I don't know what room I'll be in. I can't start planning, because I don't know what grade I'm teaching. In once sense, I'm ready for school to be here because that means I'll know what the upcoming year holds and I'll be past this uncertainty.  But on the other hand, I know good and well the level of stress the upcoming weeks hold and I want to hold that off forever.

Remember, I've been here before. I know how this goes. I know what it's like to change rooms and grade levels at the last minute; I've done it twice now. It's not fun. It's extremely stressful. But, it's manageable. It won't kill me. It won't be the end of the world.  Do me a favor, remind me of that if you talk to me. It's getting harder to remember each day.