Friendship

Over the past few weeks I have stumbled across a number of verses about friendship that have really stuck with me so I'm going to share a little bit about them:

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

This is a pretty well known verse. I think most people who have been around church for any period of time have heard it. It is always tied in with Jesus of course, because He is the ultimate example of great love and the perfect friend. He literally laid down his life for us. But how does this verse relate to me? I'd like to think I might throw myself in front of a moving bus for some of the people in my life, but I don't think that's the point. I think that laying down one's life for his friends means putting your friends needs above your own. Putting your life aside to do what a friend needs you to do. Forgetting for a minute what you want and what you need and instead focusing on someone else. It's giving someone something they need regardless of how it affects you. It's giving up something you want for someone else. It's putting another's happiness above your own.

This verse was really laid on my heart recently and since then I've made a conscious effort to put others before myself. I've tried to be there for a friend when they needed me even when it wasn't convenient. I've given up doing things I wanted to do because a friend needed me there more. I stopped thinking about myself for just a little while and spent time thinking about a friend. On more than one occasion I have put my life temporarily on hold to help someone else. And you know what, I never felt like I was missing anything. What I found was that through helping someone else, they actually helped me back. They weren't aware of it, and can't understand it when I try and explain, but I unintentionally gained more than I could have imagined just by putting their needs above my own. Through meeting their needs, I found they met mine. The hard part about this though, is that after investing yourself in another person so much, when they no longer need you to be there you can feel a little lost. At least, that's been my experience.

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

This one ties in very well with the first one. The problem I'm currently having is when is enough enough? At what point is putting others before yourself too much. Because I know there has to be a line. Think of others needs first and do things for others, yes; but you can't lose yourself in the process. I think it may be a fine line, and I haven't quite found that yet. I think part of this is assuming the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. It can be really hard to assume the best in people sometimes based on their actions but what i keep reminding myself is that you don't know the whole story. You don't know why people do the things they do. And I'm sure if someone looked at me and my life from the outside some of my actions wouldn't look quite like the way I see them. You just never know the intent behind things, so I guess you just have to give people a little credit and assume the best until given a reason to believe otherwise.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

which ties in with:

Proverbs 27:6

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

This is one that has taken me many years to really accept. To me, sharpening another person can be painful. It's pointing out the things that need to be changed. It's humbling to have someone tell you that what you are doing isn't okay. It can be so easy to lash out at others when this happens, I know I have in the past. If it comes from a friend though, and comes from the heart so the intent is to help make you a better person, then it's worth listening to. Hard to do? yes. Worth it? I think so.

My friends, my real true friends, haven't really held back in telling me when I am headed down the wrong path. Usually it takes some overreacting and many more conversations for me to listen. But, I am trying much harder to take a step back now and look at what they are saying from their perspective first. Your real friends are supposed to help sharpen you ... but you have to let them. It may hurt to hear it, but if it comes from a friend you can trust that what they are saying is with the best intention to help you become a better person and not to harm you.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.

This is one of my favorite verses because it is so true. We were made to walk this life with others. We are supposed to have friends, that's how we were designed. I'm pretty sure I couldn't do it without my friends, I know I've told them that before. I fall down plenty and I need someone there to pick me up. I'm lucky enough to have people like that in my life. I have some of the best friends in the world.