It's been awhile since I've posted anything here other than photos or recipes. I haven't been spending much time at home lately so I just haven't had a lot of time to sit and blog.
I'm just going to go with a stream of conscious format for this post. I have a lot to write, but not a lot I can explain or really want to go into details about, so forgive me if this makes little sense to you. Blogging is mostly for my benefit, the fact that you read it doesn't change that. Sometimes I post for the people who read, and sometimes I post for me. This one is for me.
Life, it seems, is all about choices and change. Two of the things I am the absolute worst at. Every day you make choices, be it small ones or big ones, and then life plays out as a result of those choices. Recently, I have done a pretty good job at going with the flow and letting changes roll of my back. But today, today I just can't seem to get myself together.
Worrying helps nothing, and yet it is near impossible not to worry. I've been pretty happy with the way things have been going the past few months. Despite some pretty major hurdles and speed bumps, I've really been enjoying my life. I can't help that worry that in light of some new circumstances, everything that was good before is about to change. I have been assured that it will not change completely, but it will change, that much is certain. I worry that this change (as huge as it seems in my head, or as small as it potentially could be) will be enough to throw me off kilter for awhile. I worry that I'm about to take a few steps backwards here.
Sometimes you have to make a choice between different things. Making a choice means that you have to lose one thing. What if ultimately though, because of the choice you made and life taking some unexpected turns, you lose both things? What if both things were among the most important in your life? What if losing one was hard, but losing both is impossible? I made choices and I accepted the consequences for those as they came. I guess I'll accept whatever comes from this as well. If I could do it all again, I still wouldn't change a thing.
Today I am worrying. Today I cannot pull myself together. Today I am sad.
Tomorrow (or maybe in a few more "tomorrows") I will wake up and realize it is fine. It's probably not nearly as bad as I'm making it out to be in my head. It's probably nothing. Different? of course. But bad? maybe not. Time will tell ...
Plus, I'm still looking ahead. I have many big things in store. I'm trying to keep focused on that, it makes today easier.
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