Confession

Call it a quarter life crisis, I don't know. All I know is that I royally messed this year up, and all I want to do is fix it.

When I decided to move to Colorado last October, things were kind of a mess. I was mad at my job, had recently lost some good friends, and in all honestly, didn't have much reason to stay in Houston. It seemed, given that I had nothing to lose, it was as good a time as any to pick up and move and try something new. Had I moved last October, this would have been true.

However, over the last 9 months, my life changed drastically. I made new friends, got old friends back, came to LOVE second grade and my job again, and got really connected at my church (to name a few). In my head I just told myself I had already made the decision to leave, so I never gave it a second thought. When I did think about it, I was sad, so I just told myself I was overreacting and pushed it to the back of my brain.

Then I got there and I realized very quickly how much I had actually left behind. I had a life, a great life, and I gave it up to come to some strange place. I sent hundreds (read: 164) emails to principals looking for a job, with little or no response. I started to get frustrated. I started to think that while living with my dad for a few months would be great (I think we all know how much I love my dad!), living with him, in a loft with minimal privacy, for a whole year, might be another story. I found myself waking up in the morning and telling myself I was on vacation so that I could even get out of bed. I did my best to fill my days and keep myself busy so that I wouldn't cry. I spent hours upon hours on the phone so that I could feel like I never really left. I wasn't happy. I felt stuck in my life, and that is not a good feeling. Then I got a job interview, and I FREAKED! It scared me to death to think that I might be offered a job (a less than stellar part time job that I really didn't want, mind you), and that if I took that job I was stuck here for a year whether I wanted to be or not. Those who know me know I am prone to freakouts, but this was on a whole new level.

So, laugh all you want; talk about me behind my back, because I'm sure you will, but I'm fixing my life. I'm only 25; I'm allowed to make mistakes. In a few years I will look back on this and laugh about the year I went crazy .... quit a great job, moved across the country, then moved back a few weeks later. Yeah it's funny, and it's pretty embarrassing, but you know what? I'm going to be happy. Not everyone has the chance to fix their mistakes; I'm lucky I do.

Is this all a little bit crazy? Absolutely. Will I be happier having a support system of all my friends and people who love me around no matter what I'm doing? Without a doubt. Will I, however, miss seeing my dad every day? More than you can imagine. Have I already learned a lot from this experience? Without a doubt.

So there you have it.

Stay tuned for part two to find out how I completely fixed my life in one day!